


lutes are expensive, geralt

by hazy_daisy



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, actually just jaskier yelling in geralt's direction, anyway. quick short argument over logistics, but what's new, he knows his instruments. he would NEVER disrespect them like that, jaskier is a BARD and a mUSICIAN, oh there's a tender moment where jaskier gets a knife, shippable if you squint, this episode brought to you by "instruments are nOT GOOD WEAPONS"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:20:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22783957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazy_daisy/pseuds/hazy_daisy
Summary: "'If that happens,' Geralt starts, and Jaskier can hear the dry sort of humor in his voice, which means this is probably a lost cause. 'Try hitting them with your lute. Or sing them something, maybe it’ll drive them away.'Jaskier suddenly forgets his fear of the dark in the shock and offense that hits him. He can’t decide which statement is more offensive to him, so he yells at Geralt for both."
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 56
Kudos: 269
Collections: Best Geralt





	lutes are expensive, geralt

“Well, you can’t just LEAVE me here, Geralt! I’ll be attacked, and die gruesomely, and it’ll be your fault for leaving me here with no means of defense!”

“It’s ten minutes alone. You’ll survive.” Geralt is very obviously unconcerned with Jaskier’s distress, which only serves to distress him further.

“And if I’m set upon by a band of highway brigands? What then, Geralt? You think they’ll just spare me, sitting alone with the gold and no means of defense?”

Geralt sighs. Jaskier stares at him, arms crossed over his chest, indignant. Neither of them is addressing the real root of this problem, which is that Jaskier does not like the dark, and that a couple of nights ago a kikimora had ambushed them in the night from the shadows of the trees, and Jaskier can’t help but imagine that awful spidery form in every shifting shadow. They’re surrounded by the trees, now, having made camp, and it’s dark, hence why Geralt is leaving to get firewood, and why Jaskier does not want to be left alone while he does so.

“If that happens,” Geralt starts, and Jaskier can hear the dry sort of humor in his voice, which means this is probably a lost cause. “Try hitting them with your lute. Or sing them something, maybe it’ll drive them away.”

Jaskier suddenly forgets his fear of the dark in the shock and offense that hits him. He can’t decide which statement is more offensive to him, so he yells at Geralt for both.

“First off, I am a wonderful singer, and you KNOW that, Geralt! The saying goes that witchers can’t  _ feel _ , not  _ hear _ . Second off: hit them with my  _ lute _ ?” His voice hits a level of high-pitched incredulity that it hasn’t for a while. “Are you joking me? Are you an absolute idiot, Geralt? Hit them with my  _ lute _ ?”

“I don’t see the problem with it,” Geralt says, looking altogether far too relaxed for the highs of Jaskier’s emotions right now.

“The  _ problem _ with it is that lutes are  _ expensive _ , Geralt! And I don’t know what you think they’re made of, but it’s not iron, and it’s not silver—” he gestures vaguely and emphatically in the direction of Geralt’s swords, not actually sure if he’s indicated them at all—”it’s  _ wood _ , Geralt, the kind of thin wood meant to bounce the sound around prettily inside the instrument, not to survive being bashed over a man’s head! I already lost my last lute to your stupid violent lifestyle, and I’m not about to lose one that was given to me by the king of the elves just because I can’t pick up a heavy stick!”

“Alright. That’s enough,” Geralt starts to say, holding out a hand to stop him, but Jaskier isn’t done.

“And then! There’s not even a point to it! Because like I said, the wood is thin, and it’s delicate, and it wouldn’t do all that much damage, anyway! So now I’ve broken something I love, I’ve lost my livelihood, and I’m still being attacked, Geralt, and that’s three losses over one decision! I don’t know why on earth people think that an instrument would make a viable weapon, but I’m not eager to try and attack someone with a harp, I’ll tell you that!”

Geralt looks a bit too tired to continue on with this conversation. “Jaskier—”

“And another thing, I happen to like this lute! That’s something that happens when you carry something around day after day! I am a  _ musician _ , an  _ instrumentalist _ , and I care about my craft and the tools of my trade! The suggestion that I would use it to hit someone over the head with, which is a completely reckless decision, thank you very much—”

“Jaskier.”

“Well, it’s rather like telling you, ‘oh, it’s no trouble you don’t have your swords, why don’t you just hit the kikimora with Roach, Geralt? I’m sure it’ll turn out fine’—”

“Jaskier!” This time, Geralt says it loud enough to command his attention, and Jaskier actually stops for a moment. Geralt sighs. He moves to Roach, reaches into one of the bags hanging from her saddle, and retrieves a dagger. He holds it out to Jaskier. “Here. If you’re so hung up over not having a ‘means of defense’.”

Jaskier steps forward and takes the dagger, and while he’s examining it, Geralt turns to go off into the trees. Jaskier feels a bit better about the whole thing, and feels as if he’s gotten his point across; at least, until he looks up and realizes that the issue of being alone in the dark certainly hasn’t been solved, and that Geralt’s already disappeared into the shadows.

“Geralt—Geralt!”

**Author's Note:**

> in conclusion: fuck you, don't EVER suggest that jaskier would hit someone with an instrument unless his actual LIFE depended on it and that was literally the ONLY thing in reach. instruments are delicate and dear to people's hearts and they a) don't deserve to be used as weapons and b) wouldn't be very good ones anyway
> 
> this post is brought to you by the respecting instruments gang
> 
> ( check out my siren jaskier fic on my profile if you appreciated any of this; comments and kudos are always appreciated )


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